need another drink. this is the easiest way
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
