Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
