Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
