i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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