he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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