im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
