He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
