Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
