um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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