This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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