my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
