BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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