That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
