i think my tv is drunk
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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