sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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