Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
