im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
