Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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