so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
