I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
