It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
