The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
