she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
