She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
