Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
