i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
