help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
