Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize