I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
