everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
