New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Semen is not good for contacts.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
