chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
