Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
