Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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