i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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