I am full of burrito and curiosity
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
