Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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