I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
