you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
