Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
