Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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