i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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