am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
