Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
