Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Non-Jews are for practice
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
