Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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