In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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