did you get engaged???
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
