He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize