By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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