Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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