THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
