Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
