I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
