I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Quick, to the slutcave!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
