Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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