Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
