i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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