im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He kissed a someone with a penis
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
