She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
