I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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