Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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