My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
