a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
