I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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