so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
time to smoke my breakfast
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
