HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
