Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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