Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
