Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
