Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
