I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
