I CAN MOONWALK!
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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