yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
