Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
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