my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
