we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
