I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
