it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
