I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
